After having a breakdown in the student drop off line this morning at school I was about ready to just throw in the towel. I'm serious. Life just seems so relentless.
I took both Lucy and Jack to the doctor today. Jacks' asthma is out of control and Lucy has a nasty sinus infection. We narrowly escaped another trip to the ER with Jack. He was up all night last night, struggling to breath. So, lots of meds for both of them and we are praying for quick relief.
(On a side note, I've received a few emails from people who have treated their children for reflux and have had great results with their asthma improving. Anyone else ever heard of this?)
This is really not the week for extraneous health concerns. Not that there really ever is a great time, but this is "scan week" and probably the most stressful time in our lives. We are trusting in God to continue to bless Lucy with cancer free scans, but the wait is tortuous. Throw in an asthma flare up and a nasty sinus infection and you have fun times at the Krull house.
As I said, this morning was bad. The past few weeks have been hard. We are, thankfully, winning the war on cancer but we seem to constantly be losing the little battles along the way. I have a pretty bad attitude right now and I'm really, really tired. Did in mention I'm tired? Not just physically tired, emotionally and mentally exhausted. Someone said that its because the adrenaline wore off a few months ago. Maybe they are right. I shouldn't have expected to keep up the pace of the past 18 months forever.
As I was rocking Jack--before he vomited everywhere then fell asleep in the tub (see picture above), and after he shattered my glass coffee table--I decide that making a (very abbreviated) thankful list might help my attitude. So, here goes:
1. I'm thankful for a cancer free Lucy.
2. I'm thankful that Ella is healthy and has a heart off gold.
3. I'm thankful for grandparents (especially my mom) who will drop everything to help me.
4. I'm thankful that Jack was unharmed when he shattered the glass table. Seriously, look at the picture. It could have been awful.
5. I'm thankful that my husband has a good job and that we have really good insurance.
6. I'm thankful for our doctors and nurse practitioners.
7. I'm thankful for this moment that I have to rock my baby to sleep.
8. I'm thankful for an amazing husband who went to work today, even though he felt like crap, so that he could provide for his family. He is the most amazing husband and father in the world.
9. I'm thankful for a loving God who would never turn His back on me even though I lashed out and screamed at Him today. My doubts and anger are no match for the awesome love to God.