Well, we are headed back to the hospital today. This time we are going specifically to meet with the doctors to discuss a game plan for Lucy. I prayed all night for wisdom and a clear mind. I have to admit that my brain is a little murky right now. While I want to fight the feeding tube with all my might, the mother in me sees it as something that I can control. It is the first thing in 8 months that I can physically do that will make my baby better. Does that make sense? Cancer is cancer. Chemo, radiation and lots of prayers are the only answer. I can't do anything in my own power to make her cancer better.
Eating though, and weight loss, that's a different story. I went to bed last night with a near migraine from stress and the tears that I shed yesterday. This is literally eating me alive. I feel as if I am watching my baby starve to death and there is not much I can about it. Except this stupid feeding tube. With it, I can actually CONTROL something in our lives again.
But is that what God wants for my baby? I am asking for wisdom so that I can see past my own fears and trust that He knows whats best. I am praying that God will give the doctors wisdom as well. I am praying that the answer will be crystal clear today, with absolutely no room for doubt.